jack_in_the_box | [Closed]

[Just as predicted, setting up the dvd doesn't take very long at all; just a few buttons pressed and voila, the main menu flashes up on the screen, ready for play. So instead of lazing around, Rin decides to act like the ever so benevolent young man he is and give Rei a hand with his chores. All out of the kindness of his heart and no ulterior motives whatsoever, of course.]

You know, [He starts, sneaking up from behind his boyfriend and maybe just snaking a single arm around his waist.] If you'd told me you were feeling cold, I could make arrangements to keep you warm...

[To make a point, and also as a show of playfulness, he snatches the blanket from Rei and drapes it over his head, careful not to cover his eyes. It's probably not conducive to getting started in a timely manner, but hey, they're not in a rush.]

[Rei can't help but smile even as the blanket is draped over his head.]

It's just for if we want it. Though the cold can be invigorating, it's not conducive for sitting still and watching a movie, and anyway, goosebumps are not beautiful.

[Wholly unnecessary reasoning for the blanket's presence so dispensed, he gestures at the popcorn bowl.]

Can you get that?

[The blanket is still on his head because his hands have drinks in them.]

[Rin just stares at Rei for the following minute or so, somehow not surprised that he would come up with an overly elaborate excuse for the blanket, but still mildly incredulous, regardless. A mental note is made: he needs to come up with a new playful insult for Rei, because "nerd" doesn't even begin to cover it anymore.]

Nerd. [He resorts to his old weapons, anyway, tugging at the blanket just so it will partially cover Rei's field of vision-- but not too much, he really doesn't want any iced tea accidents to take place. Then, he picks up the popcorn bowl and makes it back to the living room, only to realize his next conundrum.]

Uh, so-- [He's stopped in his tracks, eyes shifting from the couch to the floor.] Is it okay to have cold drinks and buttery food on the couch or...?

[Because as much as Rin is careful to keep his space clean and organized? Rei is a damn neat freak.]

[Rei makes an indignant noise when his eyes are partially covered, but luckily for them both he makes it to the living room without incident, which is really something given the potential for tripping on the blanket or stubbing his toe on a side table.

He gives Rin a Look.]

Why? Were you planning on spilling something?

[It is true, though, that spilling something on the couch would give Rei a heart attack. He doesn't really want to explain that to his parents.]

We'll have to be careful. [He sets one cup down just long enough to set two coasters out, then places both cups safely on them.]

We can eat the popcorn over the blanket.

Who the hell would plan to spill anything, Rei, seriously? [It's Rin's turn to sound more than a little indignant at that implication. He has perfectly good manners, geez!

Still, he'll leave it as a rhetorical question, or else Rei would engage on a neverending rant about evil tea-spilling couch defilers or whatever it is he has growing in that fertile ground he calls an imagination. Bowl carefully set on the couch, he moves over to help Rei with the blanket before he can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy, taking it off his head and safely folding it into a neat pile, away from the beverages and popcorn.

Taking a step back to admire their setup, he reaches for the remote control.] Anyway, guess we're not missing anything, yeah?

[In fact, Rei does have a few things to say on the subject of whom would dump things on the couch, but Rin distracts him by being helpful and removing the blanket.]

No, I think we're all set!

[He proclaims this proudly, before sitting down on the couch (careful not to jostle the popcorn). He then looks up at Rin expectantly.]

[Rin, on the other hand, takes his seat with much less pomp and circumstance (only Rei could ever look that proud over successfully making arrangements for a simple movie session) although just as careful as his boyfriend.

Pulling the blanket over their legs, he picks up the remote again, only this time it's so he can offer the device to Rei.]

I'll let you do the honors.

[You know, since he was clearly so excited about the whole thing.]

[Rei takes the remote, presses play without much more ado, then sets the remote down on the table.

He scoots closer to Rin until there's no space between them at all, a clear invitation.]

I have to admit, I've been looking forward to this.

[He leans his head against Rin's shoulder.]

I wish we could do things like this more often.

[It's not without some mild surprise and a pleased smile that Rin welcomes Rei to his shoulder, arm snaking around his boyfriend for ease of cuddling. He still remembers a time when physical affection didn't come so easily, and the initiative was, more often than not, left to Rin. This is definitely an improvement.]

I know. [He cards his fingers through an ocean of blue, blunt end of his nails idly massaging Rei's scalp. Can't let the nerd outdo him in affections.] I'm glad we got this chance, too.

[There's a part of him that knows they won't have many more moments like this, that graduation looms closer and his life in Japan will soon become a thing of the past. From every logical standpoint, finding quiet downtime together wouldn't be any easier to do when they're oceans apart than it is right now, with the other only a train ride away.

But this wouldn't be Rin Matsuoka if he simply conformed to common sense.]

But who says this has to be a one-time only thing? Who says we can't do it more often?

[Unfortunately, he's dating Rei Ryugazaki.]

Other obligations. My family. Your roommate. Time.

[He cuts himself off there. He hadn't really meant it in reference to Australia, had really meant that they were both busy, but maybe he subconsciously meant it as Australia too.

He doesn't want to bring that up now. He doesn't want to think about it yet.]

I mean, because we're so busy all the time. Like I said before.

[Nice save. Maybe.]

But I would like to do it more often.

[No, that wasn't a very nice save at all. Rin would be surprised if thoughts of separation hadn't been crowding Rei's mind, if he hadn't been trying to foresee the changes in their relationship once Australia came into play again. And when the time came for them to talk it out, Rin would poor his heart out, reveal the only path he hoped they could take.

But that time isn't here yet, and there's something else that needs to be said. A prelude of sorts.]

That's all there is to it. [He starts, pulling away so he can look right into Rei's eyes as he goes on. Let him see how serious he is about this. About them.] If that's what we both really want, then we'll absolutely find a way to make it happen.

[He wonders if he's coming off too intense, and chuckles a little at himself. Their foreheads touch next and he closes his eyes, hoping to soften the impact of his words.]

I don't know about you, but I don't let anything get in the way of my pursuits. Not anymore.

[Rei stares right back into his eyes, not flinching. He understands how serious Rin is, and even though he knows that logically it shouldn't, because they're only teenagers, sitting on a couch in t-shirts and sweatpants with uncertain futures before them, he suddenly feels like this moment holds a lot of gravity.

He suddenly knows for sure he wants to make it happen, whatever "it" means for them.]

I believe I know firsthand, having been one of your "pursuits" myself. [He reaches up to slip off his glasses while Rin's eyes are closed, because he's close enough to see Rin's beauty without them, and they just get in the way.]

I think you'll find that I am also not so easily discouraged.

[He slips his outside arm up onto Rin's shoulder, tilts his head just a little and kisses him, like he's done many times before. But something feels a little different today, or maybe that's just his imagination.]

[If this is just his imagination, then it's surely contagious, and that's enough to make it real. Maybe it's because they haven't had many opportunities to be like this before, open and spontaneous without the looming threat of any meddling third parties, but the feeling itself isn't new to Rin. That overwhelming sense of warmth, the need to touch and feel and never lose him out of sight, these are all familiar memories from the end of every date, every text message late at night, every time their smiles meet. So very familiar.

And Rin has known for a while now, what those feelings are called. He just hasn't named them out loud yet.

That popcorn bowl suddenly feels like a nuisance between them, and he parts from Rei just long enough to set it down on the floor. When he resumes kissing, it's just as gentle as before, and he wraps both arms around his boyfriend so to tug him down on the couch with him, head on the armrest and Rei on his chest. Luring him into ultimate cuddling, movie left forgotten playing in the backdrop. And that's just as well.

Right now, with his own eyes diving deeper into lavender, he knows that no fictional romance can compare to what he has.]

Rei, you know I'm--

[Ah. Is it too soon for that word, still?]

--I'm crazy about you, right?

[Rei lets himself be pulled down, moving his legs up so they're in a more comfortable position, tangled around Rin's. He reaches his hand up to deposit his glasses on the back of the couch before slipping both arms up around Rin's neck and shoulders, though he keeps his head up, so he can keep looking into Rin's eyes.

He's not sure he'll ever get used to... used to being looked at, like the way Rin is looking at him now. Every time he thinks he's gotten used to it, got it down and no more surprises are on their way, something happens and he's out of his depth all over again. It's like swimming, but sinking isn't nearly so scary or frustrating here. Not with Rin's solid weight under him, and the promise that he's not alone in this.

He hopes he gives back even half of what he gets.]

Yes. [A blink.] I mean, I know, because... I feel the same. I feel...

[Things I never thought I'd feel, things I never thought I wanted that now I don't know how I lived without.]

[Oh, he does. If asked, Rin would probably say that Rei gives more than what he gets, that it has been like this since long before they were even friends. But that would be like opening old wounds, and they would wind up talking in circles indefinitely.]

You feel...? [He lets his fingers venture into blue hair, encouraging with words and actions alike. Perhaps it's selfish, but Rin really wants to know how he feels about them, wants to hear about Rei's experiences and how similar they are to his own, wants to learn the things he can only assume from meaningful looks and comfortable silences. He wants to know it all, hear it from Rei's endearingly dorky narrative, fall even harder if his feelings are everything Rin hopes they are.]

Let me guess-- butterflies in your stomach?

[Said with a sheepish chuckle, a reference made in jest and a sad attempt at helping him along. Because as selfish as Rin might be, he doesn't want Rei to feel pressured, either.]

[Rei looks thoughtful, his smile dropping and almost becoming a pout for a minute.]

I always thought people were exaggerating when they said that's what it feels like, but that's exactly what it feels like. Or, what we would imagine it would feel like, since a real butterfly-

[In a great show of restraint, he cuts himself off, lowering his head to nestle against Rin's collarbone. Now isn't the time for him to go off on a tangent about butterflies.]

That's what it feels like, though.

[He smiles again, looking off to the side and not seeing anything but the rise and fall of Rin's chest.]

I was... a little scared at first. Because you and I were just becoming close friends, and I didn't want to... rush into something that could drive us apart. And I'd always thought I would never date anyone, so I had to wrap my head around the idea. Even after studying and thinking on it, I was nervous.

But... [He closes his eyes, nuzzling his head in a little closer to Rin's neck.] I feel comfortable with I'm with you. I can be myself, and I know you're alright with that.

And you. Your smile has become my favorite sight in the world. I catch myself thinking about you when I should be thinking about other things far too often. I miss you when you're not around. And when we get it in a fight, it's like the whole world is ending, then we make up and everything feels brighter.

[He sighs, contented.]

And I used to think feeling this way would drive me crazy, but it doesn't. [His eyes scrunch up a little bit.] I honestly never thought I could feel this happy. And I just want you to feel this happy too.

[He says all this with open, honest sincerity. He's not one to hold back when he has something to say.]

[Rin has to hold back the urge to chuckle at first - at Rei's near slip-up over butterflies and studying theories on dating - but then Rei soldiers on, and it feels as though his chest grows heavier with every beating second.

Not from supporting Rei's weight, either; it's something much bigger than that.]

Rei... [It's barely a murmur, and the hand that had been idly playing with blue locks pulls him closer, strong and desperate-- and he hopes he's not pressing hard enough to hurt, but Rei will have to forgive him for any unintended roughness. Because this isn't what Rin had been expecting to hear-- no, definitely not, it's so much more. Knowing he could inspire those feelings in someone, that he could mean so much to the person who means the world to him... It's overwhelming, almost as much as it is liberating.

And he wants to tell him, too, that he feels the same, that he's so happy his heart could burst out of his ribcage, but instead all he manages to say is--]

Thank you...!

[And he might have to add "sorry" to his choked up vocabulary very soon, if he wants to apologize for raining on the top of his boyfriend's head.]

Rin...

[It's not really surprising that Rin is crying, considering how emotional they're being, but Rei still feels a flutter in his heart. Because even though he hasn't said anything else, Rei is sure this means that Rin feels the same.

He doesn't move from Rin's hold, but he does reach his hand gently to Rin's cheek, using the pad of his thumb to swipe tears away. He's tearing up now himself, and he blinks furiously to try and stave them off. He doesn't speak again, both to give Rin a chance to compose himself and to give himself a chance to banish the waver from his voice.

The rest of the room - the movie, the popcorn - has become so unimportant they might as well be laying in white space. All Rei is conscious of are the tears in both their eyes and the sound of Rin's heartbeat under his ear.]

[Later on, they two are going to look back on this moment, realize they turned a fun, silly date into heartfelt vows of affection and emotional displays, and laugh at themselves like they often do, Rin is sure of that. But not right now.

Right now, Rin feels like the gravity of their feelings went far beyond expectations, and it is as though their entire life path has been laid on in front of them.]

Sorry. [Another whisper, and he takes Rei's hand for a quick kiss, taste salted skin.] I should've known you wouldn't hold back, huh?

[A chuckle escapes him, weak but genuinely amused-- at his own embarrassment and lack of foresight. His hand lets go of Rei's, but only to move on to his cheek for an idle caress or two, then further down to his chin, coaxing him to look up at him. There are many things Rei could make out just from hearing that thundering heartbeat, but as much as Rin doesn't feel very eloquent, he figures there's more to be said, too.]

You do make me happy, you idiot. [See, already resorting to fake insults; so very not eloquent. It's best to let his actions speak louder for another moment, fingers diving in an ocean of blue.] You do, even more so now, with what you just said.

[Foreheads pressed together, he closes his eyes, breathing in an out. He needs a minute, sort out his thoughts, if the same can't be said for his words.]

I... I've known this for a while now. [He starts again, and it's unusual to see him acting so shy, but being open with his feelings is an old trait he's still re-learning to master.] Known that what I felt for you was more than a crush, more than just like.

[It's going to pale in comparison to Rei's professions of love from earlier, and at this point it's so obvious, so should he even bother with saying it?]

Rei, really, I--

[Red seeks out lavender again. He's going to say it.]

I'm in love with you.

[Rei smiles as his head is tugged up, a tear escaping his eye unbidden. He knows he has a tendency to let his emotions run away with his words sometimes, but Rin knows too - their first real conversation had been explosive enough to prove it to both of them. He just didn't want to be ambiguous about it.

He's patient while Rin gathers himself, heart hammering in his chest. He knows something important is coming, so he doesn't speak, breathing in time with Rin.

And then...

And then it's all out there, and Rei can't stop more tears from slipping down his cheeks, even as his smile gets wider, so, so happy. It takes him a moment to respond, too busy just gazing back into Rin's eye's and feeling giddy, but then he remembers he should be saying something back.

The words are obvious, but it still takes him a moment to settle his mind enough to summon them.]

Me too.

[He reaches a hand up to cup Rin's face.]

I'm in love with you too, Matsuoka Rin.

[And then he kisses him, gentle but enthusiastic. Later he'll wonder if they're moving to fast, but how can it be wrong when it feels so right? He's known this for a long time, he realizes, and now it's in words, confirmed, that they feel the same way.]

[Rin matches the kiss in kind, slow and chaste, but with his arms clamped around Rei to pull him closer, bodies further sliding down the couch in all enthusiasm. Now is the spring of their youth, and if there's a time to be worrying about relationship status and pacing, it is miles ahead of them, when the need for settling down and starting a family starts knocking on their doors.

And maybe it's a show of puerile naivety, but right now, Rin is absolutely sure there can only be one person to share that future with.]

Never thought I'd be hearing that from you. [It almost sounds like a complaint, but that huge smile plastered on his face is enough to offset his words. It's not that he ever doubted the strength of Rei's feelings-- because he does feel very deeply about those he treasures, Rin learned as much from their earliest interactions-- but more because his nerd of a boyfriend had a strange approach to romance at first, not to mention some difficulty with showing affection. Seeing them together now, all adoring looks and gentle caresses, that's almost hard to believe.

Hard to believe they had such a rough start, too.]

But, for the record-- [Because this is getting Too Real Too Quick, Rin reaches over for a cushion and flops it down on the back of Rei's head, and his chuckling also covers up for the very embarrassing thoughts he's suddenly nurturing.] --don't say my full name after stuff like that, it sounds like you're proposing or something!

[That would definitely be moving too fast; Rin can't really say he'd mind it.]

[Rei makes a disgruntled noise as the cushion falls on his head. He flails around to dislodge it, only succeeds in throwing it down on his feet instead. When he emerges again, he looks rumpled, but still content.]

Of course not. We're still in high school.

[Among other various logistical problems. Rei might be turning into more of a romantic for Rin, but that doesn't make him jump to the same thoughts. He knows this is love, but if it will weather Australia, and dreams and careers and other people, has yet to be seen.

(Just because he wants it to doesn't mean it will. He knows this.)

Pillow removed and ideas of marriage dismissed, Rei returns his gaze to Rin's.]

I never thought I would say it either. You've changed my views about some things.

[He lays his head back down again, content to settle himself into Rin's embrace.]

You're rubbing off on me.

[It's not without some effort that Rin keeps his comments to himself, but the truth is he doesn't see their youth as an impediment to having a life together-- on the contrary, it's an incentive. But that also has to do with Rin's aspirations and ideals, and his wishes to recreate the path his late father couldn't follow, like much of what he does.

One day he'll share the story of his parents, how they met in high school and never loved anyone else, and Rei will likely see right through Rin. Definitely keeping this a secret for a while longer.]

That's kinda like the point, isn't it? [Thoughts of marriage aside, he laughs at Rei's comment, one arm holding him close as the other gets busy with blue hair. It's a soothing gesture, hopefully enough that Rei won't complain about the mess he's making.] A relationship is supposed to make you want to change and get better. I know that's what I get with you, I mean.

[His grip around Rei tightens, and a kiss is left on the top of his head.]

You inspire me to keep improving.

[Rei doesn't mind - it feels nice, even if his head will look like a rat's nest later. At least no one else is going to see it.

Snug and warm in Rin's embrace, he slips his own arms as well he can around Rin back, moving down from his face. It's hard with the couch there, but he does the best he can.]

That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me.

[And for once it's not because his ego is inflating (okay, well, maybe just a little inflated), but because he's genuinely happy he can be that. He admires so many other people, but he's never thought of himself as an inspiration (other than an inspiration toward beauty, of course).]

I can't say any change you've made in me has been negative, although I do cry a lot more than I used to.

[He's teasing, a smile tugging at his lips. One finger traces lazy patterns on Rin's arm.]

I think I'm at my best when I'm with you. Being a little more romantic than I used to be is just one of the things you've improved.

[The finger on Rin's shoulder draws a heart shape. Okay, that one was deliberately over the top, but it gets the point across. When he speaks again, he sounds a little amused.]

We admitted a lot more to each other than I thought we would when we started.

[At Rei's initial response, Rin is simultaneously happy and upset to know that his boyfriend wasn't told how amazing he is more often, although he can see why people would try to avoid fueling his ego. Regardless, he's one of the most wonderful people he's ever met, and Rin writes a mental note to make him feel appreciated on a usual basis.

The crybaby comment earns a playful slap in return for that sass, and by the time he points out how much of their deepest feelings they've been pouring out on each other, Rin has to laugh at how entirely ridiculous they are-- and how ridiculously easy it is for them to find happiness together. A good kind of realization, really.]

Yeah, I thought we were just gonna hang out and be lazy all weekend, but I guess there was a change of plans, huh? [As though to make a point, he blindly reaches down for a fistful of popcorn, careful not to drop any on the quick ascent to his mouth. Not as hot as he'd like, but whatever; there are far more important things at play here.]

I'm not... very good at this, though. [He takes another moment to swallow, a cheap way to buying time.] Being so open and talking about how I feel and stuff. So I guess... I guess it's a good thing that we did. That I finally got to tell you that.

[He'd been holding back for way too long.]

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